If Rebekah lived today she’d probably have pink hair to go with the nose-ring that Eliezar gives her to mark her as Isaac’s betrothed. She comes from a family that is, in colloquial terms, effed up. Her dad Betuel is a specter who barely does anything. But hey, at least he gets a name, which is more than can be said for her mother. Her brother Laban is a greedy sneak, a petty crook who looks for every opportunity to profit off her, as he will later do to his own daughters. 

When Abraham’s servant Eliezar gives Rebekah a sample case of the family jewels, she sees opportunity. Maybe she has a bit of the family greed herself. Anyway, she guesses there’s more where that came from and damned if she’s gonna share it with her slimy brother. She agrees to go off with Eliezar to join Abraham’s household. How bad can it be, with all that swag?

Little does she know her new fiancé is long in the tooth and full of troubles and griefs. Having been threatened at knifepoint by his own dear old dad, and now recently bereaved of his mother, Isaac is hollowed out. 

Nonetheless, Rebekah falls for him, falls right off her camel. Maybe she was surprised at what she’d gotten herself into. The dudes that wrote down the stories want you to think she fell in love at first sight with this pathetic old creature but that’s such a dude thing, isn’t it? Maybe she was just ass-sore from riding a camel.

Anyway, she’s stuck with him now, and he’s probably better than her original family. She and Isaac have twins, Jacob and Esau, and even before they’re born, they’re fighting. Esau is born first and is Daddy’s little man, but Rebekah always favors Jacob. When it comes time for Isaac to bless his favorite kid before kicking the bucket, Rebekah manages to disguise Jacob as Esau so he can snatch the blessing right out from his big brother’s hairy nose.

Daughter of a specter, sister of one wily dude, she holds her own and makes way for her baby to get what he needs.